2014 Football Season
Team Record: 5-5
Band Record: 10-0
San Diego 2014
Princeton at San Diego
September 20th, 2014
Princeton loses 29-39
Halftime:
Saluting the UCSD Tritons after 10 years away, it’s the Princeton University Band!
OK, we made a mistake. We’re not at UCSD. But we bet at least 20% of the fans here thought they were. With UCSD, USD, UCSF, UCR, UCM, USB, STD, AARP, IUD, MVP, FBI, USDA, and WWJD how does anyone figure this out? At least we know we’re at one of the best private universities in California, so thanks for the big Trojan welcome! Forming the USD identity crisis on the field, the band plays UCCMAL, otherwise known as U Can Call Me Al.
(The Band forms the letters USD and plays You Cal Call Me Al. During the song, the D changes to a C.)
Sorry, we’re a little rusty with acronyms because we haven’t been here since 2004. You know, back when satellite radio was Sirius business? We descended upon California like a horde of east coast cicadas and saw with our beady eyes the birth of Anchorman and the mainstream iPod. We saw UGG boots and crocs and predicted their inevitable transformation into the crug: fur-lined and filled with holes. We liked our friends’ photos even before Facebook showed us how! Forming social currency on the field, the band plays “Friend Like Me.”
(The band forms a Facebook ‘like’ and plays Friend Like Me.)
Before we go, we’ll leave you with some forecasts for 10 years from now. In 2024, Apple will come out with the iPod 24, thin as a single layer of cells and as big as California. Meanwhile, the iPod legacy will expand as icons like the grim reaper come out with the iSickle, and Pharrell with the iMhappy. In the political sphere, California will push again for an actor-governor but there’ll be no need, as Beyoncé will rule the world. Forming a clock that’s melting from the heat of time travel, the band plays Time Warp.
(Band forms a melting clock on the field and plays “Time Warp.”)
Run away Band, and stay classy San Diego.
Davidson 2014
Davidson at Princeton
September 27th, 2014
Princeton wins 56-17
Pregame:
Sticking to the status quo, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(The band marches on to Cannon.)
The Band wants to first welcome Davidson, home of the Wildcats, everywhere, raise your hands up in the air. Ahh, shucks, it was real unclassy of us to compare you guys to East High in High School Musical. You have a totally different shade of red. You know, Davidson, being a fellow school with a feline mascot, We’re All in This Together, and this should be The Start of Something New. The truth is your brand of mouthgaurds are just What We’ve Been Looking For. So let’s engage in some healthy competition and see who Bops to the Top. Ready, set, Getcha Head in the GAME OF THRONES.
(The band forms chorus/battle lines and plays Game of Thrones.)
Well that came out of nowhere. We’re trying to do a show and GoT just butts itself in like it’s the hottest thing since Keeping Up with the Kardashians. What a Scandal. Talk about Shameless. I feel like I’m in a House of Lies. Or Cards. At least they can never deny that Orange is the New Black, and Double is the new Double Rotating P!
(The band forms the Double Double Rotating P and plays Goin’ Back)
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
(The band plays the national anthem.)
Run away, Band, or you’ll miss The Last Ship!
Halftime:
Eating just enough cake to be able to run for eternity, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(The band marches on to Forward March.)
According to our records, Woodrow Wilson began his college career at none other than Davidson, but left soon after to come here. Why’d he do it? Recently dredged up evidence points to a romance gone sour, in a letter in which Wilson tells Davidson exactly why he had to leave in 14 succinct points:
1. She refused to re-adjust her frontiers.
2. She wouldn’t let him into her territorial waters.
3. She had bulky armaments, which resulted in some pretty bad crugs: crappy hugs.
4. She didn’t let him into her eating houses, which are for women only.
The rest of the points are iterations on this last one, because Woodrow Wilson really wanted to eat. So he came here where the male was liberated and free to join pretty much anything he wanted. Forming a W for Davidson and an M for Princeton AT THE SAME TIME to express how boys and girls just don’t see eye to eye, the band plays Bad Romance.
(The band forms an M facing Princeton and plays Bad Romance.)
So what happened after Woodrow Wilson left Davidson for Princeton? Well, less exposure to him gave them the trappings of the same traditions but lacking that je ne sais quoi. They tried to do the eating clubs, but just ended up with some eating houses. They tried to do grade deflation, but never quite made it as newsworthy as ours. They made an Honor Code too, but couldn’t figure out how to make it less long-winded without plagiarizing. They even tried to be Tigers,
but they just ended up a bunch of pudgy copycats –ahem, I mean wildcats– from eating a whole cake for every freshman that finishes a 100-yard dash. Forming a simple shape and a replica of that shape that just can’t get
its act together, the band plays Chameleon.
(The band forms a sharp triangle and an adjacent shimmying triangle and plays Chameleon.)
Run away, band. It’s time for your next cake infusion.
Columbia 2014
Princeton at Columbia
October 4th, 2014
Princeton wins 38-6
Pregame:
To whom it may concern, it’s the Princeton University Band.
(The band marches on to Cannon)
We are applying to the position of Back End Software Engineer. We are qualified for this position because we have great backends. But not only that. We give really good backrubs. We always back into parking spaces. Oh, and baby did we mention we’ve got back?
We are looking forward to talking more about what we can bring to your software team. Feel free to contact us at 0042 0041 0043 004B, and observe how we can walk backwards while playing Going Back in the Double Double Rotating P!
(The band forms the P and plays Goin’ Back)
Run away, band, the rejection letter is already in the mail.
Halftime:
Fur-lined and filled with holes, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Forward.)
New York is finally cracking down on environmental Justice. Unhappy with the current climate that keeps those awful crugs in business, the people stormed the streets two weeks ago leaving paper, pickets, pocket change, and plastic flip-flops in their wake. Take that, Environment!
So what exactly do New Yorkers want? Many said they want a Climate Change they can truly believe in. They want hope. They want Justice! Except later we realized they weren’t asking for justice, they were asking for Just Ice, because it was so darn HOT out there! At least we know that no matter how bad global warming gets, Mother Nature has a way to shut that whole thing down.
Forming a lonely flip flop we found in a grate and picked up, looking into the dying light of day while tumbleweeds rolled by to remind us of the futility of all human endeavors, the band plays Summertime Sadness.
(The band forms a flip flop and plays Summertime Sadness)
To get over our sadness, the Band decided to try our own Humans of New York, highlighting… rats!
Name: Mr. Ratatatat
Occupation: Dumpster Diver
Thing that gets him up in the morning: Knowing that although his work is tough, he’s the main breadfinder and at night he’ll come home and cut the cheese for the whole family.
We were psyched about this rat project! Until we found out that the city was giving them free Greyhound tickets to get out and stay out. So on October 1st, as we mourned the death of our great idea, the Rats of New York shipped out, thousands of them leaving New York via the Port Authority. And on that day, the Port Authority noticed no change at all.
Forming a Greyhound bus full of rats, the band plays Free Ride.
(The band forms a bus and plays free ride.)
Run away band, it’s the plaaaaague!
Colgate 2014
Princeton at Colgate
October 11th, 2014
Princeton loses 30-31
Halftime:
The band congregates on the sidelines. Riley steps up out of the sea of orange and black onto his conductor’s platform, whitecoat flapping in the Colgate-fresh wind. It is silent. You hear some scuffling over the PA system, then:
Dude, pass the Doritos, It’s the Princeton University Band.
Screaming and shouting with mischievous glee, the band runs on to the field and forms a beautiful balloon, turning around to face Riley, whose hands have already started flapping incomprehensibly. What is he doing up there? No one knows, but they know they have to start the song sooner or later, and using telepathy, they begin!
There they are, a-thrusting and a-jiving, playing a song they were born to play. Then, halfway through the song something weird happens. The trash players run out of the balloon and one of them takes something off- is it pants? No! It’s a cardboard contraption. They open up the cardboard contraption and stretch it out. It’s a needle! With a shiny chrome plated tip in the shape of an eagle- with TWO wings. They thrust their needle into the balloon and it pops just as the vibraslap slaps it home. And then silence once again. The band scrambles directly into the Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall, while the trash players dance in the middle, having placed the needle lightly on the turf in front of the trombones.
Now, it’s 3:50 seconds and the show is almost over. But wait! While the rest of the band is rotating the trash players come out front and turn over the needle. Something is written there… What does it say?
Questions? Call 315-228-7611
That’s the phone number of the Colgate athletics director. We’ll see how it goes over.
The last thing anyone remembers is the band running off the field, carrying the sign and the most excitement the fans at Colgate have gotten in a long time.
The end.
[From what this transcriber gathers, Colgate did not allow a pregame show, nor a script for the halftime show. This is the guideline for the script-less show.]
Brown 2014
Brown at Princeton
October 18th, 2014
Princeton wins 27-16
Pregame:
Hey Dana (day-na) Leichter, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The band walks on playing Cannon and lines up facing the Princeton stands.
After years of the same situation, we finally put two and two together to realize that whenever someone is taking a midterm in Princeton, someone is getting nude at Brown. We wonder if our administration would allow nude midterms? We now present a riveting rendition of the Brown fight song.
The Band turns around in place and plays Brown fight song.
A recent survey noted Brown University as one of the top colleges that create great investors.
And we all know Princeton is one of the top colleges that create investment bankers…
Do I smell a partnership?
You could be the actor to our director,
the Luigi to our Mario
the Robin to our Batman
the robin to our birdfeeder
the Croc to our Ugg
the shit to our colostomy bag
the supportive O and Q to our double, double rotating P!
The Band forms the double double rotating P and plays Goin’ Back
Run away Band! It’s time to get Naked Pizza!
Halftime:
P: Re-enacting our glory days at the Citadel, it’s the Princeton University Band!
B: Whoa what are you doing here? Excuse me. Still welcome at the Citadel, it’s the Brown University Band!
P: Hey this is our show, get outta here.
B: No, you get outta here.
P: Well… you first.
B: Ugh! (napoleon dynamite style?)
The Princeton and Brown bands charge on to the field
It’s a tale as familiar as a tiger’s – two lovers kept apart by an endless feud. Shakespeare said it best in his classic story, Brunoneo and Princetoniette:
Two universities, both alike in dignity,
In fair New Jersey, where we lay our scene,
From ancient eight to modern football games
Where civil sports make civil jerseys unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two schools
A pair of star-cross’d bands take the stage
Whose misadventured scrambling overthrows
Do with their songs bury their teams’ rage
Watch now as the Brown and Princeton Bands join forces to recount a bittersweet tale of forbidden love.
The bands form a heart and play The Impression that I Get.
A poem from the Princeton University Band:
In New Jersey, the Tiger Band,
A stately pleasure-dome decreed
And soon we hoped from Providence-land
the hunky-chunky Brown-Bear band,
would run to us with hugs and glee.
But soft! What light from yonder grandstands breaks!
It is the East, and Brunoneo is the sun!
With no-one else do we have such fun,
As Brunoneo – O the ruffles his fur makes
And on his furry forehead these words appear:
“Hello my name is Brunoneo, lover of lovers…”
O!
Our mind is numb, our thoughts are junk,
Our mouths are dumb, our words are gunk,
O brownie love, we’re in a funk,
Our hearts drink up, our love is drunk.
The band forms a beer mug and plays Love Drunk.
A letter from the Brown University Band:
A band from Rhode Island we are
We saw orange plaid from afar
You tickled our fancy
We got rather antsy
How did our pants become ajar?
A rivalry keeps us apart
We’ve admired you right from the start
Do you like us or no?
Will you please be our beaux?
Be careful with our fragile heart.
We wait now to hear your reply
“Please love us,” we desp’rately cry
We can’t wait to trombone
Soon we won’t be alone
In the meantime let’s lower our fly.
The Brown Band forms unzipped pants and plays I Touch Myself
The story of the star-crossed bands only gets better. After exchanging countless letters like these and serenading each other’s dorm windows on Saturday mornings before football games, Brunoneo finally asked Princetoniette out on a date. To the carnival. And she said yes! First they went on the roller coaster and held paws the whole way, shouting out when they reached the top. Later that afternoon they took a little rowboat into the Tunnel of Love… and got lost until the next morning! They were fine, but Princetoniette had a big surprise. Joining together again to unveil the couple’s happy news, the band forms the growing Princetoniette on the field and plays Gimme Some Lovin’.
The bands form a P and play Gimme Some Lovin’. Partway through, the P becomes a Pregnant P, which also looks like a B. Go figure.
The baby’s half-tiger, half-bear, oh my! After a war that seemed like it would never end, there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon; a bouncing baby boy, Johnny, has united the previously divided institutions. As he grows, so will the newfound peace between Brown and Princeton. Johnny will truly B. a Goode omen for the future of these two clans. The only question left is where he will go to college…and what kind of college accepts a half-tiger half-bear student.
The Bands form a half-tiger, half-bear and play Johnny B. Goode
Run away Bands, and Johnny, you might have a sister coming.
Harvard 2014
Harvard at Princeton
October 25th, 2014
Princeton loses 7-49
Pregame:
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Wacky Thyme, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The Band marches on to Cannon.
We are excited for this year’s publication of Harvard’s Hottest Freshman by the Crimson. Who will make the cut? Will anyone ever measure up to 2017’s Pietro? The band turns around to see if it can spot any of these yet undiscovered campus hotties… [sigh] but is sorely disappointed.
The Band turns around in place and plays the Harvard fight song.
Not many people know this, but Fred from Scooby Doo attended Harvard. Only later did he go back to high school along with his 30-something friends Shaggy, Velma, and Daphne. Recently, the gang was on their way to the Hot Freshmen Voting Convention at Harvard when the mystery van skidded off the road and rolled down near the Charles River. Something fishy was in the air, and that’s when the group chanced upon the puppy-sized Goliath Birdeater spider squatting on some riverbank rushes. “Zaowi!” ejaculated Shaggy. “Oowoo!” chortled Scooby Doo. “Duhhh” said Fred. “It’s probably just some elaborate hoax that a villain is using to cover up his pedestrian crimes,” Velma pointed out. And it was. It turns out the spider was just a Harvardian trying to stir things up on campus to make the grading committee overlook his 6.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale. The gang was unimpressed, so they hopped back in the van and took off, looking for more interesting mysteries like revolving doors, spinning bookshelves, and a Double Double Rotating P!
The Band forms the Double Double Rotating P and plays Goin’ Back
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
Run away band, he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids.
Halftime:
Consistently falling apart at it’s best, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Harvard has been in an awkward position related to Princeton because although they have a larger endowment, they have less money to spend per student. Where does the Harvard money go? Sources say it goes towards research about the human hotness gene, elaborate end-of-year gift boxes for favorite faculty, and the presentation to the President of a pair of 24-karat golden crugs. Clearly, Harvard doesn’t know how to spend effectively, and the Harvard band has decided to overcome this issue by asking for donations from your very own Princeton University Band! And since Princeton is in the service of all nations, including rival ones with whom we don’t always agree, the Band decided to throw them a bone. Giving from the rich to the poor, the band forms a sack of money, gives Harvard a check, and plays Robin Hood.
The Band forms a sack o’ money and plays Robin Hood.
Last week, Brown revealed on the big speakahs that Princeton is one of the least dateable schools. But surely they were just talking about New Jersey State. We’re pretty sure Harvard is right below us. Why else do they surround 15 normal freshmen with media attention that tells the world how hot they are? They want them to get dates! Save the statistics! If you ask us, they should stop reading the romantic advice column by Mark Zuckerberg, and start thinking out of the box, like taking seniors to Hawaii to get lei’d. Instead, the go-to dating techniques at Harvard are to attend Jane Austen conventions, wear monocles, grow patches of facial hair, and have you seen the crimson ascots Harvard men have started wearing to all social functions in an attempt to seem like a romantic Mr. Darcy? I don’t know if they work, but they do make a statement…
The Band forms a flying V and plays Also Sprach Zarathustra
LO! ROMANTIC ASCOTS
anagrams to
COLOR ISNT A MASCOT!
flips to reveal
UNLEASH THE TIGERS!
Run away, Band. The tigers have been unleashed!
Cornell 2014
Princeton at Cornell
November 1st, 2014
Princeton wins 38-27
Pregame:
Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you the one and only, (but we’re not lonely) Princeton University Band!
The band marches on to the Cannon song. While they play, announcer reads:
Boys and Girls, babies and grandparents, millenials, 30 somethings, 40-somethings, and children of all ages, The Princeton University Band is here to bring you fun, fashion, tradition, and thoughtful reflections. Hold on to your hats so you don’t get blown away by the greatest thing to come to Ithaca since sliced cornbread, a ditty and a dance that goes way back, the Double Double Rotating P!
The band forms the Double Double rotating P and plays Goin’ Back.
So, we arrived here yesterday, all the way to New York from little ol’ NJ. And we wanted to see a show:
Oh, Cornell-uh where the snow goes burying the plains.
Cayugamatata, what a wonderful haze
525,600 moo-cows
On my own, frozen wastland here beside me.
The phaaantom of The Marching Band is there… inside your mind
Give my regards to…
Excited as we were to go see a famous show on Broadway, we were disappointed to learn that this wasn’t New York, New York, but Ithaca, New York. Yet our hearts still burned for that city that never sleeps. Saluting the place we thought we were, the band forms a hat and cane and plays Give My Regards to Broadway
The band forms a hat and cane and plays Give My Regards to Broadway
Another thing we noticed when we arrived was the overwhelming Princeton spirit here on campus, coupled with a lot of straaangely dressed people. We saw Orange! We saw Black! We wear Orange! We wear black! We felt at home in the wildnerness. Except then we saw the Princesses walking down the street with an entourage of lumberjacks. And a bunch of life-sized crayons laying by the side of the road drinking red bull. And then we saw a dragon and a phoenix fighting each other to the death and burning in a huge fire. What was going on?! That’s when the little witch came hobbling over to us and said, “This is Cornell Halloween. Here. Have some candy corn.” So the orange and the black? “Yeah. It’s got nothin to do with Princeton, sorry kids.”
Disappointed yet happy to have gotten some candy corn on one of the best holidays of the year, the band forms a witches’ hat in deference to the friendly witch and plays Holiday.
Band forms a witch’s hat and plays Holiday
Ding Dong! Run away band, the trick or treaters are cornering you and stealing your candy corn!
Halftime:
Marching on from the corner, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The band plays Forward while marching on from the corner of the field
Trick or Treating around here is like a box of cornhusks. You know exactly what you’re going to get. Cornhusks, canned corn, cornbread with cornstarch on the crust, creamed corn pie, Jimmy Crack Corn and Cornpuffs, all wrapped up in a cornucopia handed to you by a scornful girl with cornrows and pretty corneas dressed up as a child from Children of the Corn singing You Ain’t Nothing But A Corndog to her boyfriend the cornerback and munching on kettle corn, while you stand there with corns on your feet from all the walking, and you finally go home and stretch out on the couch and open your cornography textbook, eating your Halloween loot and feeling satisfied that although you could have done it at any university, you decided to trick or treat at Cornell.
Forming the cornerstone of American farming and music industry, a husky corncob, the band plays The Final Corndown.
The band forms a corncob and plays The Final Countdown
Run away band, before they smother you in butter and heat you till you pop
Penn 2014
Penn at Princeton
November 8th, 2014
Princeton wins 22-17
Pregame:
Paving the road to the underworld in orange and plaid, it’s the PUB!
The band marches on to Cannon
What does a goat eat for breakfast? Goatmeal!
This is funny not only because of the pun, but also because the opposing team’s mascot, the Quaker, is occasionally sighted on boxes of Quaker Oats. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Quaker Oats Theme Song
The band turns around and plays the Penn fight song.
What did Americans eat for breakfast last Tuesday? Votemeal!
This is funny because one does not eat votes, but as “vote” rhymes with “oat,” a satisfying pun is created that suggests exactly this absurd action.
What do otorhinolaryngologists eat for breakfast? Ear, nose, and throatmeal!
This is funny because of the elaborateness of the answer to the joke and its persistence in keeping up the same format as the previous two. Also, throatmeal sounds absolutely disgusting.
What do Polish bankers eat for breakfast? Złotemeal!
This is funny because it involves a foreign word but still rhymes with “oatmeal” and continues the format of the jokes in the face of all condemnation we are receiving in the announcer’s box right now. Last one?
What do Tigers eat for breakfast? Quakers!!
This is funny, because it’s true. Forming a Double Double Rotating P, the band plays Goin’ Back to Nassau Hall.
The Band forms the Double Double Rotating P and plays Goin’ Back.
Run away, Band, [singing Alex’ original tune] going on adventures with me, yippee. We’ll have so much fun together, you’ll see. ‘Cause you know that they’re my best friends…
Halftime:
“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it”
[Fart noise]
It’s the Princeton University Band”
The band marches on to Forward
More wise words by Ben Franklin:
July 1735, when Franklin was young and penniless:
“Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead”
September, 1773, 38 years older, 38 inches wider:
“A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at its edges.”
1781, 75 years old, and with an entirely different set of preoccupations, from Fart Proudly:
“It is universally well known, that in digesting our common food, there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures, a great quantity of wind.”
Of course he goes on to say that since this quantity of wind is usually foul, people suffer discomforts in trying to hold it back. Wouldn’t it be nice if these clouds were colored so that we could see when one was heading our way? The band demonstrates this by forming a quantity of wind on the field and playing Great Balls of Fire.
The band forms a moving and expanding cloud and plays Great Balls of Fire
This Spring students at Penn get to experience a new kind of English class, called “Wasting time on the Internet.” From the course description: We spend our lives in front of screens, mostly wasting time… What if these activities — clicking, SMSing, status-updating, and random surfing — were used as raw material for creating compelling and emotional works of literature? Could we reconstruct our autobiography using only Facebook? Could we write a great novella by plundering our Twitter feed? Could we reframe the internet as the greatest poem ever written? Well, if Herman Mellville could reframe a whale and Mark Twain could reframe the Mississippi, we don’t see why someone couldn’t. But how will they do this, we ask? Students will be required to stare at the screen for three hours, only interacting through chat rooms, bots, social media and listservs. Huh. That sounds productive, we’re in! Using our laptops and a wifi connection as our only materials, the band forms an English lecture at Penn and plays Basket Case.
The band forms an English class at Penn and plays Basket Case
Run away band, Distraction, multi-tasking, and aimless drifting is mandatory.
Yale 2014
Princeton at Yale
November 15th, 2014
Princeton loses 30-44
Pregame:
No No No No No and stop eating my showsheets, it’s the Princeton University Band!
Tyler Davis, leader of our ranks, is not one to be messed with. Why? She will break you. Just like she’s broken her liver, her foot, all our inboxes, her computer, her rules of pants-wearing, and Morris’ heart. Things break her too, like the dodgeball that broke her glasses, the wine glass that broke her foot, and the bass drum that broke her spine. The bottom line is, if you are wary of your physical integrity, and especially if you are a drum, stay away. This girl has broken a rim, a drumhead, and about two hundred drumsticks. Does this Princeton student propagate the image of effortless perfection? Nah, try perfection-less effort. In Tyler’s honor, the Band forms breaking drumsticks on the field and plays her favorite song, Call Me. Maybe.
The Band forms sticks breaking in two ways and plays Call Me Maybe
Once upon a time there was a young princess named Tyler who grew up in a Palace on 1 Sunflower Drive with a dolphin shaped pool. On a bright spring morning she received an acceptance letter from the Princetown and she set off to discover the world with Ken Lee the magical wizard by her side to guide her on her quest, to not get arrested. That quest ends now… [the band smiles and waves innocently] Just kidding! While there were some tough times, there were also happy times, like finding out her prince charming was a dashing young Indian man named… Jeeves. All in all Ms. Davis made it through her trials with flying colors, and the Band now celebrates by forming Single Double Rotating Ds on the field and playing Goin’ Back to Nassau Hall.
The band forms two rotating Ds on the field and plays Goin’ Back to Nassau Hall
Run away, Band, Wait. They won’t love you like she loves the Princeton University Band
Halftime:
Excuse me, Miss Drum Major, your music is waking people up. It’s the Princeton University Band!
The band marches on to Forward March
So this guy wakes up in his bachelors’ bungalow in Yale, yeah, and sees another guy in his room, fiddle-diddling with his computer. He leaps out of the bottom bunk, bounds to the door in hot pursuit, books it down the banister, scrambles through the dense underbrush, and finally bursts out behind a bastion of hospitality, the New Haven Marriott, where a bunch of bluebloods bag the burglar. Okay, so things get stolen in New Haven every day. But what the papers don’t mention are things like the faculty stealing CS 50 from Harvard. I guess that kind of thing is even more common. It’s also not as interesting as the computer bandit getting bailed out of jail, going to New Orleans, and starting over in the red light district. It’s also not as fun to form on the field. With that, the band forms a running bandit and plays Basin Street Blues.
The band forms a running person and plays Basin Street Blues
Something that we have always wondered is how Handsome Dans are chosen. Of course, we know that when a Handsome Dan retires he comes over to the country club at Princeton, takes long walks on Alexander Beach, and chases squirrels to his heart’s content. But back in New Haven, an application process is underway. Toys representing the Ivy League are placed before candidates to test their reactions. The current Dan was chosen because he tore up a Harvard blanket and passed neither disdain nor approval on the Princeton Tiger. So his attitude is right, but what about his looks? Judging from the past twelve generations, a Handsome Dan must look no better than Buddy Holly, but attract the admiration of fans that look as good as Mary Tyler Moore. The Band forms a bone for Handsome Dan and plays Buddy Holly to get him going.
The Band forms a bone on the field and plays Buddy Holly
Run away, Band, your laundry is done and the Yale poopetrator is on the move!
Dartmouth 2014
Dartmouth at Princeton
November 22nd, 2014
Princeton loses 10-41
Pregame:
With a Cherry on top, it’s the Princeton University Band!
The Band marches on to Cannon with VP Cherry and Mary leading the way.
Today, we have a special message for our sponsors, but first, a little something to titillate our rivals: it’s the Dartmouth Fight Song, When the Sheep go Tearing By:
The Band plays the Dartmouth song.
To all our supporters, especially Vice President of Student Life Cynthia Cherry, who joins us on the field playing pumpkins, thank you for making it possible for us to go to Las Vegas – I mean San Diego – earlier this fall. Darn it, cat’s out of the bag. Well, we may as well just tell you the truth now. Instead of going to USD, we ended up in Las Vegas, where we won upwards of thousands of dollars. Granted, we spent upwards of millions of dollars to get it. But aaaanyways, as a result of our sudden funding deficit we had to call in a favor from band alum Michael Niemann ’90, who flew us from Vegas back to New Jersey on his private jet. You can check out the photo on the Princeton Alumni Weekly blog!
So there it is. We may not have used our support in the way it was intended, but we promise it was a grand time. We even made time to pop over to USD and play for the team. To express our gratitude for the support this season we now form a Double Double Rotating VP for VP Cherry and play Going Back to Nassau Hall!
The Band forms the Double Double Rotating P with a V next to or inside it and plays Goin’ Back to Nassau Hall. (1:30)
Ladies and Gentleman, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem.
Run away band, this is the seniors’ last Pregame Show, and it’s just like wah.
Halftime:
Floating around like so many fairies, it’s the Princeton University Band.
The Band marches on to Forward March
Let’s talk about technology in the classroom: technology that threatens to replace the student! We’re talking about the iClicker. Recently in Dartmouth a teacher who had long been the victim of truancy finally looked up at his Sports, Ethics, and Religion classroom and saw too many blue lights blinking back at him. In order to make sure the iClickers were not in fact students he administered a paper test and sure enough, the kids who were clicking for their friends were too scared to write for their friends. Thus the scandal was discovered! Was it the irony that this was an Ethics class that prevented the written cheating? No, we think it was the fact that it was a Sports class. Because if anyone is going to uphold the values of fair play, we expect them to be Dartmouth athletes.
Raising awareness of the most recent peril in higher education the Band forms an iClicker and plays a song that describes students who own one: Gone, Gone, Gone.
The Band forms an iClicker and plays Gone, Gone, Gone
For most people, Dartmouth is in the middle of no-where. But for anyone named Richard, it’s The Place to Be. Dartmouth has not only graduated many Richards, like Richard Bailey, Linguist, Richard Hovey, Poet, and Richard Anthony Parker, Egyptologist, but it also attracts Richards from all over the US, most recently Rick Perry and his dear friend Rick Santorum, more well known as The Two Ricks With Picky Dicks.[short pause] Policies. Of course, students did not like what Perry had to say, and made him watch footage of football players sinking it in the endzone of his alma mater over and over again. [Go Aggies!] That didn’t work, but surprisingly, it seems they got through to him simply by singing their fight song, When The Backs Go Tearing By. Now Perry is a true enthusiast and is quickly laying the groundwork to change legislation in all of New Hampshire.
Forming the land in which Perry saw the light, the band plays Bill #567745, entitled Any Way You Want It.
The Band forms New Hampshire and plays Any Way You Want It.
Run away, Band! It’s a personalized sign-off by our announcer!
Princeton University Band 